The Double Bind for Women became clear to me one day when I was working at Rutgers. I was putting up a large contraceptive exhibit when a student wandered in and hoisted herself up on one of the tables where I had put a lot of pamphlets on different contraceptives. She watched me for a while then I noticed that she was surreptitiously trying to read a pamphlet lying on the table. I eventually wondered over and said "you can have that if you want". She jumped off the table and said "Oh No! I'm not interested, I'm Catholic" and ran down the hall.
Many women are handicapped by a double message that puts them in a psychological double bind. There are two very strong opposing messages in our society. Check in with yourself now to see if you are caught by either one. Sometimes they linger in the place where you store shame.
One is communicated by the media that surrounds us everywhere and gives the message that -to catch the good life, you should look gorgeous and sexually appealing with perfect skin, hair, and bodies; it is more important than anything else to be sexually appealing… so spend your time, thought, and money shopping and tending your appearance.
The other strong message is that sex is a NO NO, don't even think about it. This is a message communicated most strongly when parents never talk about it.
The question is: should you choose the looking sexy option or should you listen to the No No's as dictated by church and parents…don't see, feel or think about sex? This double bind is very powerful for women and affects them in many ways. The down side is that women sacrifice an important part of themselves no matter which choice they make.
If your mother (parents) think they are protecting you by pretending you aren't a sexual being, you need to let them know, very carefully and gently, "that won't work today" (I doubt if it ever did). Gently let them know that you need to have information about your body in order to develop a healthy self image and to protect yourself. Guilt and shame will prevent you from doing a good job of either of those.
You could invite your mother to accompany you to the gynecologist! But remember, you are looking for a win win, not the 3rd world war, tread carefully. In her heart she will probably be so relieved, she really doesn't want you to be vulnerable to all the things she is afraid of. That may or may not help her. Just keep trying very gently. She is the only mother you get.
If you choose the SEXY option, you might actually believe that there is gold at the end of that rainbow. . . that is sure what the media is selling!! It may be true for a very very few women….for a while. But women's appearance has a short shelf life. Then you need to have other things you are passionate about, like a career, children….. global warming.
It's good to get a running start at that early in your life, though what ever you have left will also work. Your goal is to become your best self. Figuring out what your interests and strengths are, your talents, passions, and values--all of that will develop into your self concept, who you are. You can begin very young, and it takes as long as it takes, and often changes as you get older, so hang loose. This is the only life you get. It can be much more rewarding if you diversify.