RAPE - A NATIONAL CRISIS

If we discovered that every fourth girl and every sixth boy born in this country is destined to get a virus that will diminish their whole life in many ways, what would you do?

According to extensive research by RAINN (Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network), as of 2022, 463,634 people are raped every year In this country.  On May 23, 2023 it was reported that “More than 450 Catholic clergy in Illinois sexually abused nearly 2,000 children since 1950. The state’s attorney general found in an investigation released Tuesday, revealing that the problem was far worse than the church had let on.” In addition to the general population the Department of Defense estimates about 20,500 service members experienced sexual assault in 2018. And an estimated 80,600 inmates experience sexual violence while in prison or jail. (More than 50% of the sexual contact is between inmate and staff members.)

Once raped, you stay raped, it doesn’t go away like a virus. It lasts a life time.
Though it’s different for each person, here of some of the effects.
      * Depression
      * Drug use
      * Low self esteem
      * Post-traumatic stress disorder - 94%
      * Contemplate suicide - (13% attempt suicide)
      * Moderate to severe distress - much more than with any other crime
      * Work and/or school problems - 38%
      * Dysfunctional relationships, unable to trust etc - 37%
      * Risk of pregnancy
      * Sexually transmitted diseases
      * If victimized by family/friends, it’s much more devastating - 84%.

I became interested in the phenomenon of rape when I worked as a marriage counselor in a university with 25,000 students in the 197O’s and 80’s. I designed a workshop, given one weekend per semester to 300 students at a time; eventually 7000 students attended over a decade. Each participant completed an anonymous questionnaire in which one question was “Have you ever been raped? (penetration of an orifice of your body without your permission).”  I then sampled the total student body to verify the result; 23% of females and 14% of males had been raped. I was shocked. That is almost one of every four women!

In recent years a very large research study was done that included several colleges and universities across the country. They found that 23% to 30% females had been raped. An alarming increase.

The rate of rape is slightly higher for college students than those who don’t attend college. The majority of rape victims are from 12 to 30 years old. Children below 12 are not included in any research I could find. So, there is no data below 12 years old, though there is no doubt that the effects are most traumatic and lasting for those victims. A therapist, working in a prison for rapists, told me that they had developed a therapeutic method with some success, and also found that serial rapists had been sexually abused as children.  

Another important university study gave an anonymous questionnaire to a sample of male students, asking if they had ever raped. Over 1000 men said they had raped once; about 80 of those said they had raped many times; the majority had never raped.  Not one of those rapists was arrested.

That tells us that most men don’t rape, a small percentage are serial rapists, and that the legal system is totally inadequate to deal with this problem. Both because the system isn’t trusted by female victims and because when they do bring someone to court, most accused rapists are not convicted (unless they are black).

Rape is far more damaging than a national virus has ever been.  There is no question about the damage to raped individuals' health and ability to function up to capacity. It affects not only the person raped and what they could have contributed to our society, but it affects their family and any children they may have. In the areas of health care, mental health services, a divorce rate that hovers about 50%, the cost is huge.

After the Rape Kit was invented, I thought we could identify and convict the serial rapists. But the police stored a lot of the kits and didn’t send them to be analyzed. Their excuse was that they couldn’t afford it.  Then the federal government offered to pay for them to be analyzed.  But, last I knew, a there are still some stored in police departments… deteriorating. They are only viable for a limited time period.

We are clearly dealing with a contagious disease that only advances and gets worse as time goes on. The damage is so great it’s incalculable. The cost is enormous. Yet it is so horrifying that people have a hard time even thinking about it.

What can be done right now?
 -Every police station should have a special “rape line” with a female officer responding.
 -All courts should give special attention to rape case and prosecute all those who are guilty.
 -Rapists should be separated from other prisoners and given intense therapy to heal.
 -Teach children early about their bodies, and about good touches and bad touches.

Information Most People Avoid

You may suddenly be drawn to your “to do” list or want to take a nap.  But hang in, this information may save you and your family as well as our country.

I began gathering data about rape in the 1970’s when I was working at Rutger’s University as a Marriage and Family Therapist. I included the question - have you ever been raped - on a 92 question anonymous questionnaire that was completed by over 7000 students who participated in a 28 hour workshop that I designed called The Self in Relationships. I gave it for 300 students a semester, for most of that decade and into the 80’s.

It had never occurred to me that rape was a huge problem in our country. Even though I’d worked with rape victims as a therapist. I was stunned when the results came back!!  Over 23% of the women and 14% of men revealed they had been raped! It was consistent every semester over most of a decade.  I could not believe it, so I sampled the total campus population of 25,000 and the results were virtually the same. Do the math, that’s roughly 5750 women and 3500 men.

Jon Krakauer, in his book Missoula, found that 23% of women had been raped at Missoula College, 80% by someone they knew. “When someone is raped in the USA, more than 90% of the time the rapist gets away with the crime” he wrote.

Researcher’s David Lisak, Univ. of Mass. and Paul M. Miller, Brown Univ. School of Medicine, in an in-depth study of college men, reported that of 1,882 male respondents, 120 self-reported 1225 acts of sexual violence. Forty had committed it once, while 80 had raped 1185 women. None were ever reported to authorities or were prosecuted according to these male college student.

A very large research project was completed in which there were 150,000 responders from U.of Pa; Minn; Mich; U of So. Ca., also Harvard, Yale, Princeton and others. Results ranged from 23%, the lowest; most were around 25%; several were 30%, of the women reported having been raped.

It’s not just colleges. The Women’s Foundation of Colorado, did a survey of the general female population in 2013, it revealed 23%, a total of 451,000 women were raped, and 897,000 experienced sexual violence. Also 10% of high school girls reported being raped.

It is usually believed that 90% of rape goes unreported. I believe it is closer to 100% for men; except for those men who revealed that Catholic priests raped/sexually abused them when young. Then the Catholic Church protected hundreds of priests from prosecution. See the award winning film Spotlight?

Many thought that if women were encouraged to report rape to the police, we could begin to deal with the problem.They were urged to report, and many did.

After Rape Kits were developed, women followed police instructions to go to a hospital to get a Rape kit, so the police would have the DNA, giving them a better chance of convicting the rapist. Many women who did, endured the trauma of reliving the rape as testing was done. If it was a Catholic hospital they were refused the morning after pill and abortion.

It is generally believed that about 6% of the rapists are caught and prosecuted. Then she must pay for a lawyer. If impregnated she must decide on adoption, abortion (if legal in her state), or becoming a mother; 31 states allow the rapists custody and visitation rights!

Then it was discovered that most police stations stored the Rape Kits without getting them analyzed, thousands and thousands of rape kits deteriorating in store rooms. According to the Attorney General, in 2014, over 400,000 were stored in police stations all over the country. The federal gov. offered to give the police the money they needed to have the Kits analyzed. (their excuse was they didn’t have the funds to do it)  Some did but there are still thousands in storage and going out of date every day. You have to wonder about that!

Some progress has been made. About 30 states now require that rape kits be analyzed.

You need to know:  
*Guilty white men are often found innocent, while innocent brown men are often found guilty.
*Most rapists are married with children
*Most are known to the victim and many live within a mile
*Rapists can be a: doctor, boss, policeman, family member, priest, teacher, minister, baby sitter, therapist, neighbor, senator, president
*15% of all victims are under 12 years old
*About 3% of those caught are incarcerated for a few years. then released, often more damaged than before.
*There are 170 registered sex offenders living in my quiet town of 70,000 +
* Victims aren’t chosen by looks, babies and 90 year olds have been raped
*Victims most often suffer a life time and never tell anyone
*An unknown percent are serial rapists who roam the country raping

After effects of this trauma for both women and men include:
*body injury
*serious damage to self concept
*clinical depression, often for years or a life time
*impaired social ability
*ruined or diminished career
*profound guilt (women have traditionally been blamed)
*contracting HIV and or other sexually transmitted disease
*pregnancy (if female)

Opinion: I believe that most men are not sex offenders. But almost all sex offenders are men. We need to make a concerted effort now to make sure all early childhood education includes teaching about good and bad touches; and give special attention to little boys, who at an early age are exhibiting violent behavior, even attacking their teachers. We need to fix laws that exacerbate the damage to victims and create a society that is healing for both men and women victims. We need to find the serial rapists and incarcerate them in facilities that know how to give them the therapy they need, so they can rejoin society. We need to make sure to vote for people who understand and advocate this.

If this was helpful for your understanding, share it with everyone you know, before the election.  Now would be best, the election is just days away on Nov. 6th. We have a lot of work to do to deal with this problem and the Senate and House are key to putting people in power to do it, in both parties.

Pat McVey
Retired Marriage and Family Therapist

Wait A Minute!!

I  posted a blog about how Hollywood films affected my generation.

Several days later I woke up in the middle of the night saying Wait A
Minute!!!    I'm much more concerned about the media now!!

The availability of violence and impersonal sex,  twenty four/seven,
to people of all ages, is terrible.   Especially for children, who are able
to kill dozens of people before breakfast in a "game".   Films, TV, and
games are dominated by violence.

 It's all too real!   In the US 45,000 + are killed with guns every year. Compared to Japan
a country of 127 million, rarely has more than 10 gun deaths per year, the report said. 

Friends tell me that no one wants to read anything with a lot of statistics
in it.  But hang in there.   There is no other way to understand what is
happening to us.

A research study done in Co in 2013 found that an estimated 451,000
women in Colorado over 18 have been victims of rape and 897,000
have experienced sexual violence other than rape.   In addition, 10
percent of high school girls were "forced to have sex" -rape.  I think
it may be much higher than that.   About 90 percent of women don't
report rape, others report less, but it's unknowable.

Recent research of 27 University/Colleges, with 150,000 responding,
revealed a range of rape between13 percent at Cal Tech to 30 percent
at University of Michigan with an average of 23 percent at Columbia
University.   That is the result I got in years of research when I worked
at Rutgers University.  More surprising, it was 14 percent for men.

Is the media programming our society to be violent: constant war,
murder, and rape?  Looks like we are already there.....looking at it
helplessly........ hoping congress will do something.

But those in congress are supported by those who make the weapons,
films, TV content and games, in addition they are being controlled by
the National Rifle Association.

Do you think I should not have combined war, guns, and rape?   Maybe
not, but I think when you desensitize children to violence they fit together.
What do you think?

So looks like it’s up to us to do something if we want a safe society.
Vote only for those who will support gun control.  Then lets figure out
how to deal with violence in the media to protect children and everyone
else from watching constant violence!

A silent epidemic is threatening our society

As a Marriage and Family Therapist for 30 years,  I am totally convinced that both men and women yearn for a partner with whom they can share their lives.  They want more than anything to be loved for who they are, and love another equally, I think.

That goal will become more and more elusive if the present trend of  sexual violence continues.  Sexual violence has become part of the norm in this country and now represents a mental health, medical, and legal crisis, that threatens loving intimate relationships as well of the health of our entire society. 

Data from the Women's Foundation of Colorado's 2013 report revealed that, of women over 18, one in four (an estimated 415,000 women) had been raped.  Almost twice that many (870,000) experienced sexual violence other than rape, and 10% of the High School girls reported being forced to have sex (rape).  The damage done is reaching epidemic levels across the country.  

This is made more critical because of the state of our penal system where over 3 million are incarcerated, way more than any other country.  In our justice system it happens too often that guilty white, wealthy people are found innocent when they are quilty; while black/brown poor people who are innocent are found guilty. One of every 3 black boys will end up incarcerated, equaling more blacks than were owned during slavery.

Jon Krakauer, in his book, Missoula, reported that "eighty present of victims are raped by someone they know".  A rapist can be your doctor, your boss, your clergyman/priest, your teacher, your partner, your lover, your husband, your friend or your date. The 20 percent, who are unknown to the victim, may to be composed of serial rapists who roam our country raping and brutalizing thousands and thousands of women and children.   About 3% of all rapists are caught and incarcerated for a few years and released.  There are 170 such registered sex offenders living in my little community of 70,000 in Colorado, according to the Coloradoan Newspaper. 

I'm not talking about the fumbling, scary period during the early teens when both young girls and boys are attempting to figure out how to communicate their longing and often fail to communicate clearly before they get the hang of it.  With no intention of forcing or hurting each other, they may misjudge.  That is the reason for statutory rape laws, to protect children under the age of consent. 

Too often there is a wink and nod when it becomes known that a woman is raped, which we see most clearly in male fraternities, courts, and news reports.  Like "we all know it's what a woman really wants."  Let me tell you very clearly that is not what women want any more than men want to be raped.   It is an experience that diminishes their lives, often for ever, and therefore their ability to totally share themselves in a loving relationship.

It is estimated that 54% of women do not report being raped.  I believe that because I can't remember that any of the women who have told me about their rape experience had reported it to the police.  Even more silent is male rape.  We've known about male rape in prisons and the military services, but in the research I did at Rutger's in the 70's and 80's, I was shocked when 14% of the men had been raped in a population of 25,000 undergraduates.  More research on male rape is greatly needed.

Psychological damage includes:
* seriously damaged self concept
* clinical depression, often for years
* impaired social ability
* ruined or diminished career
* profound guilt and shame (women have traditionally been blamed)
Physical results include;
* bodily injury
* contracting HIV or other sexual transmitted decease (STD's)
* pregnancy 
Then the trauma continues:
- If a person reports the rape, they are often treated with disrespect by policemen.
- They are then sent to a Hospital to have the evidence collected in a Rape Kit. That process sometimes feels like they are being raped again. 
- Then they are charged up to $2000 by the hospital. Rape Kits, and tests for STD's are often not covered by insurance.
- If it is a Catholic hospital a woman will not be given the morning after pill.
- Then the police may choose not to send the Rape Kit to be analyzed to get the DNA for a conviction, but instead they are put in a store room. According to the Attorney General in 2014 there were 400,000+  Rape Kits, not analyzed, in such store rooms in this country's police stations. Think about that!
- If the rapist is caught, which about 3% are, and it goes to trial, it is another huge trauma for a woman who can seldom convince anyone that she was forced.   
- She then has to deal with the legal costs.
- If she is impregnated she has to decide: adoption, abortion, or becoming a mother when that is the last thing she needs or wants.  Also, according to Esther Suckerman on the web,  31 states allow a rapists custody and visitation rights of the child.

- I had a opportunity to speak with a staff member from a prison for rapists, they were successfully treating them to help them heal. He said that a high percent of them had been sexually abused as children.