Be Responsible for your Relationship Choice

Love sometimes makes it easier to live with some annoying habits and life styles, but it helps to reduce the number as much as you can.  Not by expecting the other person to change!!!   But by carefully gathering information and choosing what you can live with.    

Approach the discussion from the point of view that NOTHING is “right” or “wrong”, it just IS.   You are going to try to reduce friction and frustration by knowing in advance and choosing it.   Believe me, everyone assumes that the way they are is “normal and right”. 

Add and edit the list to make it fit you.  Circle your non-negotiables.    It’s easier to tell the truth if you individually answer the questions on paper, then share them.   Don’t wait until the night before the wedding!!

Possible issues
*Pets?  Dogs, cats, other:  Indoors or outdoors, who will feed, walk, shampoo, take to the Vet, and clean up after?  

*Neatnick or relaxed (disorganized), best to go into detail.   How clean do you like to live…in the house/apt, car, yard.   Who will do the work, how often?  

*Talking.  Do you tend to share?  Talk a lot?  Prefer silence?

*How important is food?  Favorite food?   When to eat?  Who cooks?  Who cleans up?  How important in the budget?

*Children?   How many.   Do you believe in handing down strict rules or would you be more likely to combine rules with  talking  stuff over.   Abortion if things go wrong?   Contraceptive, who, what?  Children from previous relationship will be what part of this relationship?  How often and how do you like to spend time with parents, siblings and other relatives?

*Spender or saver?   How do you tend to do that?   Do you invest part of your income every month.   Do you budget the rest.   Do you contribute regularly, to what?  Who is going to handle the income?   How much debt do you have now?   How much saved?   What assets?   Are you supporting anyone else?     Who will you leave assets to?

*Want to rent or own?   City or rural?   How do you like to vacation?

*How do you relax?  With others or alone?  Noisy or quiet?   Sports or theater etc?   Favorite music?  All the time or occasionally.   TV, what and how much?   Read, what and how much.   How much alone time do you need, in what way?  

* To what extent can you make a commitment to a caring relationship?   What and how often relationships with others.   Casual friends?  Sex with others?   If you change your mind, how will it be handled.  If an uncommitted relationship, how will you protect each other from sexual transmitted
disease.

*Importance of religion and politics in your life?   How do you participate?

*Touching, constant skin hunger or don’t like being touched?   Where and how and how often in detail.  How and in what way will you communicate your desires? 

No one is a good mind reader.  But most people are willing to give and take or take turns about some things.  Hope this list will gives a basis for discussion.